A 36 year-old Mary wrote:
I am now 36 year old. He is 43 years old. We both work for the postal office for more than 12 years now. For the first two years, there was nothing special between us.
But by the end of the second year, we began to go out, but just as friends. It wasn’t like regular dates but just a meal here and there. First, I didn’t have any feeling toward him. I just saw him as a brother.
Friendship to Love
When I got my paycheck at the end of the week, I invited him to a meal. He did the same. Being with him was fun. We understood each other. I began to have feelings toward him.
I kept thinking about him all day. Whenever he didn’t come to work, I worried sick. I called him constantly to check on him.
No wedding
We then went out on real dates, usually a dinner and a movie, or sometimes a concert. That’s all we did for the last 9 years. No holding hand, no I love you, no kisses, no wedding, nothing.
He often came over to my house to visit me but I never came over to his house. He never invites me. Not once. My family likes him very much. They are already talking about my happy day. But he never mentioned about the wedding.
I don’t know much about his family, only from what he told me.
I often ask him about our future. But he always avoided that subject. He said I should give him some time to think. He didn’t want to be too hasty.
I have waited for him for 10 years. Sometimes I wanted to end this relationship but I couldn’t. When I avoided him for a week, I missed him so much. I am not getting any younger. I should have a happy family by now. I wanted one. Should I continue to wait for him?
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Sherry Love’s corner:
10 years is too long for you to wait. You have sacrificed so much for that man, 10 best years of your youth. What did you get in return? Just a big fat zero.
In this love mess, you are both at fault. He let you into believing that your romance will have a future. If not, why did he continue the relationship for 10 years? And you, your fault is to let him do it. You have lost so much of your time and youth for a romance that is going nowhere.
No marriage?
Take some time and think about it. If he really loves you, he must have introduced you to his family at some points during those 9 years. Are you telling me that he couldn’t find a single date in 9 years for his family to meet you? I don’t believe it.
Going out with him for 9 years, yet you don’t much about his family. You must have talked about it at some points during this time. You said all you know about his family is from what he told you. Did you check it out? Did he tell the truth?
If he never invites you to his house, he is probably hiding something. Is there something wrong with his family? Something he doesn’t want you to know? Does he really love you or you are just a romantic fling? Or was he married with children? Or was he gay?
His fear of commitment?
There are so many unanswered questions that you should have found out for the last 9 years. You can’t continue the relationship like this. You have stepped into this romance when you were a young 26 years-old woman. Now you almost reach 40 and the romance still stay at one place.
You were right to ask if he is ever going to marry you. You should have asked this question 5 years ago, but it’s better late than never. He didn’t give you a satisfied answer. What are you planning to do now? Wait for him 10, 20 more years? Then you already become a 50, 60-year-old woman. He still didn’t give you a clear answer. What then? Want to turn back time?
Should you breakup with him?
Your biggest problem right now is that you can’t forget him and move on. You probably don’t want to believe the last 10 years has been a waste. Everything will pass with time. You have to make a decision once and for all. You still have time to find another love, to have the happy family that you have always wanted.
Make up your mind before it’s too late. If you are afraid that you will regret your decision to end the relationship, you should find out what he was trying to hide from you. Visit his family and talk to them. Then you will feel much better about your decision.
Don’t wait. Time isn’t on your side.