Should I remarry after divorcing my husband for 14 years?
Layla’s story:
I am today 41 years old and am currently working as a nurse in a hospital. I first met my husband when I was only 19. He was 22 then and was working in construction.
We dated for 4 months before decided to get married. I decided to stay home to take care of 2 boys. Our marriage went smoothly for 5 years before I found out that he had cheated on with the lunch-truck lady near where he worked. She even had a girl with him.
I felt betrayed so I filed for a divorce. It took a year to finalize the process. I brought my two kids back to my mother’s house for awhile before I could afford to live on my own.
During this time, I went back to school to get a degree in nursing. I became a nurse and for the first time, I was able to stand on my own two feet. For 14 years, I never paid attention to any man around me. My only focus was my children.
I tried to be the best mother that I know how. I encouraged my children to get an education so they won’t be to be like me after my divorce. They are good children and they listen to me.
After years of hard work, I was able to buy us a nice house in the suburb. It’s not extravagant but at least it’s mine. My boys went to college and now are studying abroad. One is in Italy. The other one is in German.
Since I live alone, I got interested in garden work. I spent most of my time outdoor tending for the flowers.
7 months ago, a couple moved into the house next to me. Later, I found out that they are sister and brother. I met with the sister once. She often joked that she has been trying to get rid of her brother for 15 years but couldn’t. She said she needed to find him a woman…for the 3rd time.
Her brother was quite quiet at first. Sometimes he walked by and glanced at me. I said hello. He just nodded.
About 5 months ago, he began to pass by my house more often. He began to make conversation. From what I know, he also is a divorcee (twice) and has 2 boys. The boys are living with their mother. They come to visit him on the weekend. I have met them several times. They seem to be nice children. He is currently a History teacher at a local high school.
In one of our conversations, he mentioned something about how he expresses his feelings using his eyes, not his words. Now, I think he is more comfortable. He came by and talk to me whenever I work in the garden. I began to develop feelings for him. I think he also has feelings for me.
Should I remarry?
Sherry Love’s corner:
Although you are 40 but it seems that you are still naive like you were 19. At this age, a woman should have enough experience to think more clearly and be more mature about love and romance. You can’t rely on “a glance” to believe whether or not he loves you.
Of course, feelings may start with a glance but a relationship needs time and effort. You are daydreaming about romance and love but you still haven’t take any time to investigate who this man was, what happens in his family, or does he really love you.
At your stage in life, you must be very careful before throwing yourself into another serious relationship. You don’t want to repeat your mistake like in your first marriage. You agreed to marry your first husband after only 4 months of dating. Do you really want to have another failed relationship? If the answer is no, then you have to choose wisely and cautiously.
Now talk about this man of yours. So you know something about him. He divorced twice and has 2 boys. He is a teacher. He is living with his sister. That is really all you need to know if he is just your neighbor. We are talking about a potential boyfriend or even husband here. You need to find out more about this man.
Would you like to find answers for questions like how is his family? The way he thinks? The way he wants to raise children? The way he lives? How is he with other people around him? Here are just a few on top of my head.
If you want to start a romantic relationship with this man, you need to make some judgments about him. I assume that he is probably older than you are which means he must be more than 40. At this age, a man is often more mature in expressing his feelings. Why did he express his feelings for you through “a glance”. The man at his age should have more confidence and knows what he is doing. He isn’t a 19 year old having a crush on a popular girl. Why a glance? May be he is shy or he is pretending? Playing hard to get?
Now talk about his love life. He divorced twice. Does this bit of information concern you? Do you want to know why he had 2 divorces before he reaches 50? Have you ever wondered if it’s his fault or the other 2 women’s fault? You need to find more information about his divorces to shed some light on his personal affairs.
Last but not least is the fact that he is living with his sister. It’s understandable if a man is broke after a divorce. But it has been 15 years and he still couldn’t save enough money to move out? A man who almost reaches 50 still has to be dependent on his sister. If he can’t even take care of himself, how will he take care and protect you?
Above are some of the things you need to clear up about this man. It’s not wise to go blindly into a romance without taking some time investigating and researching. You are not young any more. You don’t have enough time to afford any more mistakes. Think clearly before getting remarried again.
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