Numi’s story:

I am 27 years old and have spent 6 years in school to get both bachelor and master degree. I am currently working as a manager in a hotel with a comfortable salary.

4 years ago, I met a man through my sister’s introduction. She said that if I plan to have my first child by 30, I should start dating then. I listened to her and went on a date with him.

Irreconcilable differences in education

He was quite funny and charming. He told me that he was working as a waiter in a restaurant. He said he was a professional waiter. He told me that he had to drop out of high school due to family circumstances. But he told me that he would work very hard to provide for his future family. He seemed to be a family-man. I found it to be very attractive.

After that date, I went back to talk to my parents about him. My mother was afraid that my relationship wouldn’t work out. She said a high-school dropout and a college graduate may be too different in the ways of thinking to be together. I assured her that we would work out our differences. I believe we would be fine.

For the first year, everything was so perfect. We took trips everywhere. We went out almost everyday. The weekend was always fun and romantic. But when all the charm and sweetness passed, I began to see the differences my mother was talking about.

Parent’s advices might be right

My parents might be right. When we talked about a specific issue like fidelity and raising children, his solutions were often opposite to what I believe. I realize that he also is stubborn and would not listen to anybody else. I didn’t want him to always agree with me on everything, but at least he should be willing to discuss and to make compromises. But instead, he believes that everything he said is final. I began to be annoyed by his narrow-mindedness.

I still agreed to go out with him but the initial romance was fading. Now, we often argued on our dates. I sometimes felt rather suffocated being with him. He didn’t know that my feelings toward him began to change.

Obsessive love or passionate love

7 months ago, I asked him to go on a date. After we finished dinner, I tried to tell him gently that our relationship wasn’t working out. I tried to tell him that I now only see him as a brother. He didn’t want to break up. He said he would commit suicide if I abandon him. I was so afraid he would do something stupid; I agreed to stay in the relationship. I didn’t know what to do now. Am I going to be in this relationship forever?

Sherry Love’s corner:

You know, it would be much easier to change from seeing him as a brother to seeing him as a lover. The other way around is much more difficult. However, if you still continue this relationship knowing that you no longer love him, how long do your think you can endure? Love is supposed to be enjoyed or endured?

An irreconcilable difference in education is the cause?

Now talk about your boyfriend. You now believe that you two are too different in your way of thinking to be in a relationship. He didn’t finish high school and is quite stubborn. You got 2 colleges degrees and are a manager. When you decided to end the relationship, he has given you an ultimatum: either you or his life. It was a quite nasty and dangerous tactic.

Get out of an obsessive love

He is very much in love with you, you don’t really he is capable of. So you shouldn’t take this threat lightly.

However, it’s not fair for you to be trapped in this relationship just because you are afraid that he might do something stupid. There is something you can do.

You can talk to him about how you feel if he continues to trap you in this relationship. You have to let him know that this romance won’t ever work if you no longer have feelings for him.

You can explain that you still want to see him as a friend and a brother. He is very sensitive now so tread slightly. Try to make yourself as clear as possible. Never mention anything about differences in your educational background. It will be an insult and will likely to push him over the edge.

It probably helps a bit if he knows you didn’t leave him because of another man. If he loves you, then he would want you to be happy. If you continue this relationship, it’s no longer love, it becomes sympathy.

Help him to get over the break up

One important thing you can do is to discuss this issue with a few of his best friends and family. You should let them know about his suicidal threat so they can keep a close watch on him. May be he can introduce another woman for him? May be a fresh start would be a good idea?

When his family members and friends get the situation under control, it’s wise that you should take some time away from him. Hopefully, when he doesn’t see you, his feelings for you would fade over time. But this can be a long stretch. However, you have to do something to send him a clear message that he can’t keep you in this relationship forever.

Photo: Mellie