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Anne wrote:

I’m 22 years old and from Hong Kong. I have a little beauty and a stable job. While I was in 2^nd year of college, I had a brief romance with a classmate but it didn’t work out. I think I would never found love again.

My family then introduced Tom to me. Tom is a US citizen and 15 years older than me. We communicated through phone, email, and web cam. I became very fond of him.

A year later, Tom visited me in Hong Kong and asked me to marry him. We got married. Both families were thrilled. Tom was mature, successful, and understanding. I felt so safe with him. I thought I couldn’t have prayed for a better husband.

6 months after we got married in Hong Kong, Tom returned to the US, prepared the documents to bring me there. But I had to wait 2 years. We still communicate through emails and web cam during this time.

Meanwhile, in Hong Kong, when I was attending a friend’s wedding, I met Ben. Ben is 10 years older than I am. He was a successful engineer in a major company. Although Ben knew that I was married and my husband was waiting for me in the US, he still asked me out. I rejected him many times but Ben kept insisting. I agreed to go to one dinner with him, out of sympathy.

The first date was out of sympathy. But the 2^nd and the 3^rd were my own choice. We only went to dinner. We keep dating for one month. Nothing else happened.

Friendship or real love

With Ben, something came over me. I never experienced these feelings before.

Ben isn’t as good-looking or as mature or understanding as my husband. But with him, I felt like I was in love. I felt like I need him more than he needed me. With my husband, I only felt safe like I have a brother. I am not sure if there is love or not. Just fondness I guess.

If things keep going the way they do, I was afraid that I would betray my husband. So I asked my husband to speed up the process so I can reunite with him sooner. But 2 years is 2 years. No more no less.

Can arranged marriage survive?

At this time, I found out that I was pregnant for 2 months with my husband’s child. My husband often visited me for a short while, and then he had to return to the US to work.

When my husband was with me, I was still thinking about Ben. When my husband left, I was lonely and sad. Ben called me sometimes and we talked about everything. We talked for hours and hours. With my husband, we talked for half-an-hour at most. My husband was tired after work.

Now I am so torn and don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wanted to end my relationship with Ben but could never execute it. Sometimes I wanted to run far away to start over again. But then I thought about the child growing in me. I want my child to have a father. I want a family.

Part of me believes that I may never find a man as kind or understanding or protective as my husband. But I still couldn’t get Ben out of my head. I haven’t done anything unfaithful to my husband but I am afraid that one day I can’t resist the temptation.

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Sherry Love:

You know that your happiness is within reach. You have a wonderful husband and are waiting to reunite with him. You said it yourself that your husband is a good man, a man that you think you may never find anyone like that again.

With you husband, you have one year to connect with him through emails and web cam. Then you got married and lived with him for another 6 months. You said you were happy. You felt safe and protected, but no romance. Is it possible that because your husband Tom is clumsy in expressing his feelings for you? May be he is the kind of man who love from his heart not his words? May be you are not with your husband long enough to understand him?

Now talk about Ben. With 3 dates in 1 month, Ben made you felt like you are in heaven. What kind of man is Ben? He knew you are married, yet he kept insisting in asking you out. Are you wondering about this? Why didn’t he tell you to marry him instead of Tom if he loves you that much?

Is it possible that Ben only want to have a fling with you, not commit to a long-term relationship? If you decide to leave your husband, will Ben be there for you? What will he think about your child? Could it be that Ben is taking advantage of your sadness when your husband isn’t with you?

By continuing your relationship with Ben, you are putting your integrity, your family, your happiness, and your child’s happiness at stake. What will you get in return? A brief romance with some guy you met at a wedding? Ben must be very skillful with woman to make you risk everything just to be with him.

Survive long distance relationship

It’s wise to end the relationship with Ben and wait to reunite with your husband. You said you feel safe and fondness toward your husband. May be you having some feelings for him. You should give your husband a chance to express his love for you, to protect you, and your child.

There are some women who already have happiness but don’t know it until it’s too late. My hope is that you don’t make the same mistake because it’s not only you and your husband, but also the well-being and the future of your child.

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