Single or married life? Make a decision!

A story from a 25 year-old woman:

I am working in a pharmaceutical company for a comfortable salary. I considered myself to be quite pretty and have a nice personality. I am flattered when my friend told me that there are at least four single men in our department want to go out with me. But I found many ways to let them know that I’m not interested in any of them.

3 year ago, a man told me that he has feelings for me. He is my boss. He is married with two children. He is 20 years older than I am. Quite charming! I fell for him without thinking about his wife for a second.

Love a married man

We went out on many dates but we have never slept together. He said he doesn’t’ want to take advantage of me for he knew I was still a virgin. I admired him for that. May be there is a little love.

After 2 months of dating, his wife knew about this little secret. He ended the relationship and got a transfer to another department. He might not love me as much. We went our separate ways and never turn back. I was crushed and humiliated. I then kept falling for married men a few more times. I don’t know why I kept drawn to them. They worshipped me. But all ended the same way.

I live in a closed community. So the gossip that I went out with married men traveled quite fast. My parents scolded me for not thinking straight and that I almost destroyed their reputation. They are good parents and I don’t want to humiliate them. I tried to change, not sure how.

The start of a new romance

Seven months after my first relationship ended, our department has a new member, a young man with a bubbling personality. He is 4 year older than me.

For the first two weeks, we didn’t talk much. Say hello here and there. One day he approached me while I was at the water cooler and asked me for a date. He is good-looking and polite, why not. So I accepted his invitation to a dinner on that evening.

The date was much better than I expected. He was funny and quite knowledgeable. He knows how to make me feel special. But it seems every man tries to impress the woman on the first date. I want to know how he will do on the 3^rd or even 20^th date.

We dated for a year. Our romance seemed to be too perfect. We never had an argument. He always gave in to me. May be he is for me… So on a long weekend trip, we slept together, for the first time. He was happy to realize that he was the first man I have been with. He still takes care of me, every single little thing.

Sometimes I think he was too good to be true. But it seems that he is.

Marriage too soon

3 months later, he asked me to marry him. I said yes. I think I love him enough. I’m sure he loves me. He said he hoped that I got pregnant so we can get marry faster. I smiled but I sure hope not…

We got engaged and the wedding date has been set. The invitations are printed. My fiancé is ecstatic.

I then met two more men on a three-week conference trip. One of them knew I was engaged. The other one was clueless. They both asked me out on a date. I went.

After two dinners with each of them, I realized something. I had more fun with them than with my fiancé. I think I have more feelings for them than for my fiancé.

On the trip, I met some old friends from college. They didn’t believe that I got engaged. One of them said I was too young and too pretty to get married too early. Too many too in a sentence hmmm…

Fool around with other men

Why not enjoy life? Why settle down with one man too soon? You can choose any man you want…I don’t answer them but was quite flattered.

I then thought about it for a while. They may be right. I might be too hasty to get marry. I am still young. There are many fishes out there for me.

I am not worry about getting married. I always have a man ready to marry me. I just worry about my fiancé. He is a good man. I know he will make a good husband. But I don’t love him. But I don’t want to crush him…our wedding date is near…

*********************

Sherry Love’s corner:

Being a woman, I am bit envy that you have so many advantages to find a suitable husband, a real happiness. You have beauty, personality, and financial stability. You relied on those advantages to play games with love.

First there was the married man, your boss. You don’t love him, yet you continue the relationship until his wife found out. That was your first mistake, but you haven’t learned anything from it. You continue to get involved with more married men. Then they all go back to their wives.

You think that as long as you don’t sleep with them, you still have your integrity. Are you? You said it yourself that your parent’s reputation is almost destroyed by your involvement with many married men. Your integrity is damaged even though your virginity is till intact.

You are playing with fire!

Then you are lucky enough to find a good man, your current fiancé. You know you don’t love him enough to marry; yet you accepted his proposal. While engaged, you went out with two other men; one of them already knew you’re engaged.

You like to fool around with men but don’t like to commit to any of them. You get engaged because you think your fiancé would make a good husband…for you.

Your beauty makes you arrogant to think that there will always be a man waiting for you hand and foot. Have you ever wondered why they do that? May be it’s because of your beauty?

If you want to play with them, do you think they also want to just play with you?

It seems you don’t care about serious commitment, just brief romantic fun. But how much longer can you be attractive as you are now?

Every beautiful woman gets old eventually. Once they lose their beauty, how many men will continue to chase them, if any? They would chase younger women, who are more attractive.

And then about this friend of yours? What was she thinking? She told you not to commit to any man for you still have time to play around? Would she do that if she had met a good man who take care of her every little needs? She may be a good friend but her advice is bad.

You said that your fiancé is a good man and you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You feel obligated to the wedding because, well, 1 is he is a good man and 2 is …the invitation is already sent out… These aren’t good enough reasons to get married. My humble suggestion is:

Single or married life ? Make a decision!

First you need to tell your fiancé how you really feel. Then you have 3 options:

1. Call off the wedding and you both go separate ways to find another love
2. Continue with the wedding and hope that you will love him after you have been married
3. Postpone the wedding so you both can have time to sort out the feelings

You can choose any option that you think is right. Final word is that you are playing a dangerous game. You cannot find real love or real happiness if you keep fooling around with other men’s feelings. Men who like this game are not serious men. They will eventually abandon you if beauty is the only thing they care. Just don’t play with love. No good man wants to be the receiving end of this game.

photo credit: gaminrey

photo credit: gaminrey

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