Sherry Love. net

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Helen wrote:

I am now 39 years old. I felt so lonely and depressed. If not for my children, I would probably have died long before. I made so many mistakes in my life that I don’t even know where to begin.

But lets’ begin when I was 19 year old. My mother wanted me to marry a man that she chose. I didn’t know who he was. But I trusted my mother. I wanted to make her happy. She is the only parent I got. I didn’t think things through.

Love gone wrong

I thought I would have a happy marriage. I imagined my husband would be a mature and understanding man. But he was opposite of what I thought he would be. He didn’t care about me. He had a drinking and gambling problems. He spent all the money the second he got it.

We lived with his mother and sister. They hated me. After the birth of my daughter, my husband kicked my daughter and me out of the house. He thought I cheated on him and my daughter wasn’t his.

Failed to persuade my husband, I returned to my mother’s house. I signed the divorce paper. I didn’t want any child support. I could take care of my daughter.

A few months later, I heard he got married again to a woman that often visited us while we were still married. I was sick for a week. I was shocked.

Relationship problems

During this time, one of my old friends came to visit me often. He took care of my daughter and me while I was sick. I fell for him.

When I found out I was pregnant, he left me without a good-bye. I gave birth to my second daughter, alone. I worked hard to provide for my two daughters. I thought it was it for me. I would never love again.

But then I met another man in a friend’s wedding. He tried to talk to me since the beginning of the wedding. I tried to avoid him. Then he approached me at my table, asking for a dance. I hesitantly agreed.

Control issues in relationships

He was confident and sensitive. We ended up dating. After 3 months, he asked me to marry him. I agreed despite my mother and friends’ objection. I dreamed of a happy family. He is my third love. Three is a charm, right?

I was wrong. Right after we got married, he changed. The understanding and sensitive guy I met at the wedding turned into a selfish and controlling husband. He became violent when he was drunk. Sometimes he slapped me in front of my daughters. I tried every thing to change him. But I failed. ]

When I got pregnant with his son, I thought a child would change him. But he couldn’t change. There were more children, the money became tighter, and he became more violent. I kept quiet because I didn’t want any body to know that I had 3-failed marriage. It would be humiliated and I couldn’t allow it.

I stayed with him despite the way he treated me. I had 2 more sons. I had to work more shift to provide for 5 children. He didn’t care. He didn’t help with anything. He gambled all of his money while I had to borrow money for grocery.

Abusive relationship

Until I couldn’t bear living like this anymore, I asked him for a divorce. Humiliated or not, if I don’t get out of this marriage, I would become crazy. But he didn’t sign the divorce paper. I begged him to let me go but he wouldn’t. He slapped me hard.

So I continued to live with him under one roof. But it’s like having a roommate. We were no longer sleep in the same room. He went out early in the morning and came back at midnight.

I tried to avoid him as much as possible. I didn’t want the children to see we argued. It has been like that since.

Love a married man

But recently, I went to a class in the evening. I met another man. He was mature. He helped me with what I didn’t understand. I have never felt like this with a man before. His presence makes me all shaky and nervous. I always wanted to look good for him.

I later found out he was married. He was an outstanding husband and father. He helped me on many things but never asked for anything in return. He didn’t know that I love him. Should I tell how I feel? I tried to forget him but couldn’t? How can I forget him?

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Sherry Love’s corner:

Helen, you have made so many mistake and you know the reason why: you didn’t think things through. You got married the first time to make your mother happy.

YOUR love mistakes

You didn’t know who your husband was or what kind of person he was. Marriage is one of the most important things in your life but you took it lightly. The consequence was your marriage fell apart.

After your first marriage ended, you thought you could start over again. But then you fell for two more man and have four more children. Both of the romance headed for destruction.

You must be a very strong-willed woman to overcome so many hardships to take care 5 children alone. You thought your life would be more peaceful now that you don’t talk to your current husband. But life threw your way another temptation.

You love the man you met in your class. But he didn’t want to return your love. You said he was an outstanding husband and father. If you continue to blindly throw yourself into another romance, you would hurt yourself again.

Solving relationship problems

Two things could happen:

1. You forget about him. Withdraw from the class so you won’t see again. Surrounding yourself with work and the children so you won’t have any free moment to think about him
2. You tell him your feelings. He rejected it; you felt hurt. God forbids if he accepts your love, you both will involve in a shameful relationship that will destroy both families.

I hope you know the right thing to do.

File for divorce?

With the current husband, you have to end the relationship if there is no longer hope. You have to take care of this as soon as possible so you can focus on taking care of your children. You are still young; you still can have a chance to find another love. But first, you should focus on the children; after all they have been through enough. They need their mother.

photo credit: Wokka Wokka Wokka

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