Alcoholic problems in relationship

Diana’s story;

I am 31 years old and currently own a gift shop in a mall. 5 years ago I have met a man on a trip to Las Vegas. He approached me and we started talking. I found out that we live in the same city. We decided to start dating.

After 9 months, I broke it off because I couldn’t stand his drinking problem. He was an angel when he was sober. When he got drunk, he turned into an entirely different person, violent and irresponsible. He didn’t want to work. All he wanted was to hang around bars with his friends.

His friends told me that he was devastated when I left him. I still couldn’t forget him but I believed that I should move on. So I had 2 other brief relationships with 2 other men, but they didn’t work out.

On New Year’s Eve last year, I came to visit his family. I have known them since we had started dating. They liked me and suggested that they wanted us to get back together. They gave us plenty of opportunities to meet and talk. He told me that he still loves me and would try anything to make our relationship work. He was truly honest so I decided to give him another chance.

He knew that I have been with other men since we broke up. But he said he didn’t mind as long as I became his wife eventually. I decided to move in with him. However, I asked him many times but he still couldn’t get rid of his drinking problem. He had a secret compartment in the kitchen where he stashed all of his liquor there. I found out accidentally when the trash disposal was broken.

I would have left him again if I wasn’t pregnant with his child. He was happy with the news and asked me to keep the baby because he knew I had 2 abortions since we first went out.

His parents were happy and content. They came to talk to my parents so we could get married earlier. The wedding will be 1 month from now. There are many things to worry about in such a short period of time. But my fiancé is still the same man, irresponsible and indifferent.

One day when I was so furious with his behaviors, I told him that I would never marry him if it wasn’t for the baby. I have met other better man who can take care of me from A to Z. We got into a huge fight and he left right away.

I don’t know if it was what I said that made him upset, he avoided me ever since. My father wanted to meet him, he didn’t come. His mother gave him a message to come home, he didn’t rely.

I am so mad and frustrated that I don’t even know what to do. I have thought about getting another abortion but I am afraid that I might never have children again after so many abortions. Should I try to find him and persuade him to come back? I thought about apologizing to him but I fear that he might use this to bully me later in our marriage?

Sherry Love’s corner:

In marriage, you shouldn’t always have to worry about who has the upper hand. The importance thing is to be honest with one another to see who is really at fault. If you are at fault then it’s best to know your fault and try to fix it. If it’s the other person’s fault, then you should give him opportunities to redeem himself. A good marriage is an art, sometimes you have to take 3 steps back so your relationship can take 1 step forward.

In this mess, you both are at fault. We all know what his problem is: his drinking problem. Your biggest fault is to tell him that you wouldn’t marry him if it wasn’t for the baby AND you have met other man who is better than him and can take care of you from A to Z. Although you have your reasons to say that but it still can’t change the fact that you have insulted him deeply.

How would you feel if a man tells you that he married you because of your father’s money not because he has any feelings for you at all? Not so good, isn’t it?

You have broken up with him once 5 years ago. Then you got back together. Why getting back with him so easily? You should have given him a challenge, which is to quit drinking, before you agreed to rekindle the romance. But you didn’t. You moved in with him. You slept with him. You got pregnant with his child. You have given him everything he wanted, what weapon do you still have to make him change? None.

Let’s just assume that you apologized and he agreed to continue with the wedding. What then? The same problems still exist between you two: he will still drink and you will continue to annoy by his addition. The only things different then are the marriage license and a few children.

You think things are tough right now. No, not at all. Can you imagine how your life and your children’s lives will be living with a drunken, violent, and irresponsible husband and father?

In my opinion, if you fail to persuade him to change, then it’s best to end this relationship. Nothing good will await you at the end of this tunnel.

Now about the baby. Your fear is reasonable. Several women became infertile only after 1 abortion. However, being a single mother will be very difficult. You are lucky to have your parents behind your back so things might be a little easier for you. But you have to make a choice whether or not you keep the baby. There is a price for every decision. I hope that you will gather enough courage to start all over again

photo credit: Mih

phot credit: .KM.

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