Should I break up with my boyfriend because of his temper?

Rebecca’s story:

I am 23 years old and have been dating him for 2 years. I met him through a friend at work. He is a lawyer. It was practically a blind date. But a blind date turned wonderful. He was quiet and gentle when I was first met him. We hit it off.

We began dating for a few months. He introduced me to his friends and family members. They seemed very nice. He often invited me to most of the parties at his firm. I got to talk with some of the lawyers’ wives. It was quite interesting.

Although we went out for a few months, I didn’t really know him that well. So I tried to find more information about him. I thought what would be the best way to know my boyfriend other than through his friends.

Something got me curious is that his friends often hinted that he has a short temper. I never saw he raise his voice once. My father was a violent man. I have lived some miserable years with him. I never want to live like that ever again. So I wanted to find out if he really has a temper.

I didn’t tell him anything because honestly I didn’t know what to ask. Then one day I witnessed it. One day when we were coming out of a restaurant, there was an incident. An old woman was slowly walking when a man pumped into her. She fell. All of her groceries spilled on the ground. The man wasn’t even bothered to help her. He was too busy fixing up his shirt. He started to walk away.

I ran to that old lady and helped her up. When I was busy gathering her stuffs, my boyfriend was chasing after that man. He jumped on him; beat the heck out of that heartless man. I was stunt. I looked at my boyfriend; flashbacks about my father rushed back.

When I finished helping the lady, I went home immediately. I didn’t meet him afterward. I called him to check on him, but it felt like an obligation.

He tried to call me for days but I tried to avoid him. I told him that I was busy for a few days so I couldn’t talk to him. I was trying to make a decision whether or not I should continue this relationship.

Part of me really wants to be with him. But the other part of me fears to be with him. What if we got married and he got mad at me, is he going to act like this? What if he got violent with me and the children?

Sherry Love’s corner:

You have bad memories about your father and it’s really hard to overcome. Now whenever you saw a man get violent, you thought of what your father did to you.

Now you saw your boyfriend beating up a man and it disturbed you. It’s understandable of what he did. He probably felt like he had to do something. However, that didn’t make what he did right. He could help the lady but he shouldn’t assault that man. He definitely overreacted.

But have you ever asked him why he did it? May be someone he loved was pushed like that lady? Is it possible that he also had bad experiences just like you did and felt that he must do the right thing (according to him)? Is it an isolated incident or it happened all the time? May be he just tried to impress you, proving that he is the man and can protect you?

You have heard from his friends that he has a temper. But have you ever heard them talk about a specific occasion where he went overboard like this incident? I think most people have temper once in a while. You shouldn’t end the relationship just because of this incident. You have to find out what really is going on with him? Talk to him? Find out why he did what he did? Talk more to his friends and family?

You have dated him for two years and it was the only time he lost control of his actions. It’s up to you whether you wanted to spend some more time to see if he is really a violent man like your fear. If you believe that he is, then you probably know what to do. But if there is a chance that he isn’t, then do you really want to throw away a potentially good man?

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