Consequences of marrying for money

Flora’s story:

I am 21 years old and have been working in a factory. I am living with my parents and a 13 year-old brother. After my father had a stroke, he could no longer work. My mother and I worked in the same factory. For a while, we can live by on both of our paychecks.

But then I heard that our factory would be closed in 4 months. We both will be out of jobs. My mother doesn’t know much English and didn’t get to finish high school; it will be very hard for her to get another job. We are renting an apartment and it’s nearly impossible for me to make ends meet on my paycheck alone.

Me, I didn’t get to finish high school. I have dropped out since my father suffered from the stroke. I have been working since then to provide for my family. I am not sure if there is any job for me out there once the factory is closed.

Recently I have met a man. He came to visit my factory to inspect something. He was lost and I helped him. He was much older than I am, probably 50ish or something. He asked me about my work here and if I like working here. We ended up talking for 20 minutes.

A few weeks later, I met him again. Apparently he was waiting for me after work. He wanted to ask me out on a date. I was a little surprised and hesitant. This man is probably older than my father, what was he doing?

I refused the first time, but he kept insisting. I decided to give it a try. We had dinner in this expensive restaurant. He gave me many expensive gifts. I sold a few of his gifts to cover the bill and the family expenses.

One day he asked me to marry him. He knew about my family’s financial crisis and about the closing of the factory. If I marry him, he promised to give my family and me a better life. I know he is wealthy enough to do that.

I talked to my father; he rejected the idea right away. I talked to my mother; she didn’t say anything. Some of my aunt and uncle encouraged me to marry him so I can take care of my parents.

I’m not sure what to do? I want to support my family on my own. I don’t want to rely on him for the money. But I don’t have a degree in my hand, what can I do to take care of my family once my mother is out of job? I don’t want to marry that man but he can really help my family so much….

Sherry Love’s corner:

It’s inspirational that you are willing to throw away your happiness so your family can be taken care of. But what if things don’t go the way you think?

Think about it. You don’t know anything about this man, except he is probably older than your father and he is wealthy. You were so wrapped up in his promises that you forgot to find out if he is married or not. What’s his intention to you? Is it love or something else? Why does he keep giving you expensive gifts? Why did he ask you to marry him in such a short period of time?

Your father has lived long enough to understand what’s this man is about. I’m not saying that the man you are receiving gifts from isn’t a good man. I don’t know that. But he seems a little too hasty to get marry.

Your mother, she kept quiet. Is it possible that she was torn between the two decisions? If she let you get married, you will have money but lose your happiness. If she rejects the idea, your family is heading for a major financial crisis. It’s not an easy decision for a mother to make and you should understand it.

You are right to think that you shouldn’t rely on other people’s money to take care of your family. How long do you think it lasts? Is it possible that this man is trying to court you by empty promises?

It seems you have 2 options at this point:

1. You agree to marry this man, hoping that he will do what he has promised. You are not happy but at least your family is taken care of.
2. You turn him down. You can get help from social welfare in the mean time to take care of your family. You will try to find another job. Get help to take some classes at night so you can have a diploma in your hand to obtain a better paying job.

There is also another option. You can get marry, then divorce him and get half of what he got. But do you really think it will work? He is 50 years old something, he must have known about this trick that some woman use. What if he makes you sign a prenuptial? Even if you divorce him, you will not get much.

Then what happens to you? He got what he wanted: You. What do you get in return? Nothing, except the label – gold digger. What will your father think then?

You are still young; there are always opportunities for people who seek them. Go to your local college and talk to counselor to see what are your options. Contact the social office in your area to see if you can get any help for your family in the mean time.

You have to understand that things will be difficult in a while with your mother’s unemployment and your going back to school. However, this might be a better way to ensure that you can take care of your family in the future. Do what you think is right.

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