Mia’s story:

I am 27 years old and am currently working as a teller in a local bank. Since I finished high school, I have had many brief romances with many men but all didn’t work out. My relationships always started sweet and dreamy but often ended bitter and somewhat hostile. I am not sure whether I was a difficult woman to live with. So I have been told a few times.

A start of a new romance

A year ago, a man came to my bank to do his business. He always waited for me to take care of his deposits and withdrawals. I am bilingual so I thought he probably thought I would know his language. But to my surprise, he spoke perfect English. My co-worker told me that this man either like me or stalk me.

So one day when he forgot to take his deposit receipt, I ran after him. We got a chance to talk. He told me that he came to the bank often to get to know me but he never got a chance to talk to me. Out of nowhere, he asked me out on a date. He said he lived near the bank. His name is Danny.

I didn’t know this man well but I agreed to go on a date with him. I met him at a nice restaurant near my house. It was a nice date. When we came out of the restaurant, we bumped into my parents.

To my surprise, my parents knew him. Apparently, my father and his father went to the same college. At that moment, he told my parents that he just came back from England. He went there to finish his master in business. My parents seemed to like him.

Should I trust my boyfriend?

I started dating him. Everything was fine until he met my older brother. My brother didn’t like him at all. He said that Danny was a drunk and has no talent. He said that Danny didn’t study anything in England, he was sent there because he couldn’t do find any work in the US.

My parents began to believe my brother. They didn’t know if it was true, but their attitude toward him certainly changed. I didn’t know what to believe.

To make matter worse, Danny got into an accident due to drunk driving. He had to stay in the hospital for 1 month due to a dislocated shoulder and a broken leg. Since then, my parents told me they didn’t want me to date him any more.

Danny was medium-built and is okay looking. My father used this against him. My father told me that I could find another guy, a better looking, healthier, and more honest guy. . My mother asked me to wait a couple more years to find another man. She said I could do so much better.

I didn’t tell him that my family began to object our relationship, but he must have heard it somewhere else. He pleaded to me that he would try to change to gain my family’s trust again. He sounded very honest and truthful.

About 2 weeks ago I bumped into one of his cousin. She knew about our relationship. She told me that Danny was no good. She suspected that he is into drug because one of his best friends is a drug addict.

I am so confused right now. I love him but should I believe him and go against my family?

*****************

Sherry Love’s corner:

You have said that you have many brief relationships but all ended badly. This time, with Danny, you think you love him. But so far, there weren’t any good thing about him, so you have to be careful.

Boyfriend has trust issues

Now talk about your boyfriend. It doesn’t matter whether or not he got a master degree but the important thing is whether he lied to you. You can find out the truth by asking him to show you some graduation pictures or the graduation certificate.

If it turned out that he lied to you and your parents, what do you think about him? Can you trust anything he says? If you are his employer, can you trust him? Liars will eventually revealed, especially something as big as a master education in England.

Your brother and his cousin didn’t seem to like him at all. They believe that he is alcohol addict, liar, has no talent, and possibly a drug addict. You shouldn’t disregard all of them. Have you ever hear the phrase (it goes something like) If there is smoke, there must be fire.

They must have known something about Danny that you didn’t know. Do you concern that one of Danny’s best friends is a drug addict? Have you ever heard the phrase: tell me who your friends are, I will tell you who you are?

In general, your family‘s objection to your relationship is not without reasons. Your boyfriend seems to have so many major flaws. You may not believe it but do you have any proof to say otherwise?

You see, when you know people for a year, they would hide 90% of their true self. If 10% of Danny’s personality includes lying, drinking, and doing drugs, are you afraid of the other 90% might be?

Try to change boyfriend?

Danny begged you to give him another chance to make your family trust him again. Do you know what he meant when he said he would try to change? Change what? Not drinking? Not lying? Not doing drug? More focus on job? What?

Ask everyone around you; is it easy to do get rid of all those things? Do you know how much energy, effort, will-power, and support to fight these habits? Is it possible that he just made promises to keep you in the relationship? If you agree to marry him, what is left to make him stick to his promises?

Continue romance or break up

So far, things don’t look so good for your boyfriend. You are not sure how many of the things said about him are true, but you must prepare yourself to hear the truth. It’s a good thing that he promised he would change, but the importance is can he do it? I hope that he can. But it’s just a hope.

You should think clearly and thoroughly before you decide to have a long-term relationship with this man. Sympathy and love are too completely different things.

photo credit: KristineEL

photo credit: nicolette wells

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written by Sherry Love \\ tags: Career or love, Compare lovers, Dealing with jealousy, Dealings with parents, divorce, Divorce and remarriage, Divorce stories, Loneliness, Lonesome Love, Long distance love, Love, Love married person, Money, Money in relationship, Online dating, Parents in your marriage, Past relationships, Patience, Rekindle romance, Relationship, Sherry's corner