Dana’s story:
I am today 26 year old and have been married since I was 20 year old. I was a small town girl trying to find a job in the city. I moved to the city right after I graduated from high school.
I got a job in a restaurant where my sister was the manager. I took classes in the weekend and at night to finish my medical assistant degree. I quit waiting tables and began working in an office.
Then I met him. He delivered documents to my office. He was funny and he treated me very good. When he asked me out, I agreed right away.
We dated for seven months before we decided to get married. I decided to live with his family for a while to save money for a house. His mother and sister always wanted to argue about everything. I didn’t get a peaceful day in that house for 3 years.
More money than husband
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I borrowed money from my sister and bought a house. We moved out and only came to visit during weekends or holidays. I thought being far away from my in-laws would be the best solution.
I was wrong. If I didn’t get into arguments with my in-law now, I got into fights with my husband. My husband didn’t have a stable job. He only filled in for other people. His salary is ½ of mine.
He was a high school dropout so it was very difficult to him to obtain a stable job. When my second child was born, we decided that he would stay home and take care of both of our children. It’s just reasonable since my salary can cover our house’s payments and the bills.
Things went on fine if my mother didn’t come to visit us so often. I told her about the arrangement, she became furious. She came back and told everybody that I was a bad wife and a bad mother. I went to her house and straighten her out. We got into a huge fight.
Normally, my husband is a quiet man. But then he changed. He took his mother side and began to argue with me. I told him that I was so tired working to provide for the family that I didn’t want to fight anymore. Since that fight, he didn’t talk to me anymore. He didn’t eat anything at home.
Money problems in a marriage
He waited for me to come home and then he would go to his mother’s house for dinner. He would come home the next morning to bring my daughter to school. I tried to talk to him but he kept avoiding me.
I have reached my limit. My feelings for him are gone. I want a divorce but I thought about my children. I don’t want them to be separated. If I don’t get divorce, then I have to live like this for the rest of my life?
*********************
Sherry Love’s corner:
It seems to me that your husband isn’t the one at fault here. I felt somewhat sorry for him.
Think about what you thought about your husband. He was a high school dropout. He doesn’t have a stable job. He doesn’t make as much money as you. He had to stay home to take care of the children. You borrowed money to buy your own house. You could take care of all the bills and the mortgage…
You then constantly got into an argument with his mother and sister. He was forced to take a side. When you were living with the in-law, he kept quiet. But now, he is taking his mother’s side instead of your. Have you ever wondered why?
Control your arrogance
You need to ask yourself this:
1. If you are a good wife and a good daughter-in-law, why are your in-law keep picking on you?
2. Why is your husband angry if you are the one who took care of everything in the house?
3. Why your husband took his mother’s side? What reasons did he give you?
You may not realize this but it seems you believe that you don’t need your husband. You could take care of everything. You just need him to be your children’s father. That was his role and nothing else.
Solve marriage issues
I may be wrong but you seem to disrespect your husband in some ways. He is the man of the house, yet he couldn’t take care of his wife and children. He had to be a stay-at-home dad so you can go out and work. Do you think that he wanted this? Only lazy men wanted to live off of his wife.
If you could write like this about him, is it possible that you also have talked like this about him to your friends and family. Would it be possible that you have mentioned about your husband’s inability to bring in the money to his family when you were involved in an argument.
His mother came to visit you and understood the arrangement. It’s understandable that she would become angry that her son had to rely on his wife for money. You have a son. What would you feel if your son is in your husband’s situation in the future? Do you feel sorry for your son? Do you want to scold your daughter-in-law?
When a man feels worthless and useless, he couldn’t express his feelings to you. Your husband seems to be very depressed. He avoided coming home. Would it be possible that he avoids being with you because you always make him feel like he is nobody?
Save your marriage
You shouldn’t think about divorce now. Your children are also hurt if their parents are separated. You can have a happy family if you are willing to take a long look at yourself. You should pay a little more attention to your husband’s feelings. You should have given him some respect even though he isn’t the one who brought in the money.
Two both have responsibilities to fill. You take care of the family finances. He took care of your children’s well being and safety. There are many men out there are stay-at-home dad. Their marriage is based on mutual respect regardless of who works and who stays home.
Don’t be arrogant to your husband just because you make more money than him. Take care of him and respect him. Try this to see if your family situation becomes better. You should only think about separation only if you have attempted everything and failed.
Your husband seems to still care about you and his children. Do what is right before it’s too late.
