Jane’s story:

I am 28 years old and have lived in the suburban for a long time. A few years ago, I have found the right man for me. He became my husband. He is 10 years older than I am. He has a wife and a daughter.

I love him and I know that I can’t live without him. He is a Catholic so getting a divorce from his previous wife is out of the question. I have tried everything to make him mine. We got married in secret about a year ago.

But the one thing that annoyed me the most is his wife. She found out where my parents live and came to talk to them. She even met me in private to persuade me to leave her husband alone. I made it clear to her that I would never let him go. I wanted my husband to get a quick divorce from her.

Bizarre love triangle

I am the only child so my family always supports me. Because my parents are on my side, I am not afraid of her. To avoid her, my parents let me move to the city to work. They bought me a house and a car. I was living a happy life with my husband.

But somehow, she found where I live in the city. She came to where I work and talk to my boss. She wanted him to help her get her husband back. He refused her request. It seems that everyone is on my side.

I have to admit that she is a gentle and reasonable woman. She was always polite when talking to my parents and my boss. It’s just too bad that no one listened to her.

She has many disadvantages comparing to me. I am more beautiful, younger, and more educated. I am thinking about a happy family with my husband and a baby boy on the way. I kept insisting my husband to file a divorce but he never said anything.

Now I am a little worried. I don’t know if she will continue bothering my family after my son is born. What should I do now to protect my family and happiness?

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Sherry Love’s corner:

You might not like what I am about to say but I can’t say anything just to please you. In this mess, you are at total fault but you don’t even know about it. Let’s go back to your story.

Love gone wrong

In the beginning, you knew that he was married and has a child. Yet, you still tried to find every possible ways to make him fall for you. Then somehow you successfully persuaded him to marry you…in secret. After that, you brought him to the city so you two could have the freedom to do whatever you wanted. Finally, you got pregnant to pressure him to leave his wife.

You are making one mistake after another. To make the matter worse, you family blindly helped you break a family so you could steal the husband for yourself. You made him a polygamist and then tried to get rid of his wife. Do you or your family know that polygamy is against the law?

You are young and are utterly in love with this man. But your parents are mature and old enough to see that what you are doing is wrong. Why did they go along with your scheme to destroy other people’s happiness?

Steal a married man?

Have you ever read this letter to yourself? There is something really wrong in your reasoning. She was married to him first and officially. He was HER husband. It was HER family and HER happiness. You charged in the middle of their family. You stole him. You called him YOUR husband. You hated her for destroying YOUR happiness. You don’t want her to bother YOUR family? What kind of reason is that? You are completely wrong but you think that you are right. You became arrogant because everybody is in your side.

Now you are confident that you would win him over. I can see why.

1. You got married with him
2. You got pregnant with him
3. His inability to make his decision, and you took advantage of it very well

Your love is blind

But you are hugely mistaken!

1. You got married in secret. It was just a ceremony. It doesn’t have any legal value in court. And if the court actually knows about your marriage, your husband would get into trouble for committing polygamy.
2. Although you got his child but can you keep him in the relationship? He will pay child support but he doesn’t have to be your husband if he doesn’t want to.
3. You might have a brief romance with him but it seems that he will never leave his wife for you. You are taking advantage of his confusion to force him to choose you.

Being a Catholic may not be the only reason he doesn’t want to abandon his wife. Would it be that he still loves his wife and child? He still wanted his family back but unfortunately he got somewhat involved with you. You have asked him to get a divorce many times but he wouldn’t budge.

In his situation now, he thinks he has 2 options:

1. He would keep quiet and continue this triangle relationship. He wasn’t brave enough to break up with you so he just wait it out until you leave him and his family alone
2. You will eventually be bored of him and leave him.

He is right not to divorce his wife. His wife is a understanding, polite, and forgiven woman. You even admitted that she is a good woman. What kind of man crazy enough to give up a woman like this? If he has to choose between you and his wife, I have no doubt that he will choose his wife.

Let him go!

It’s not wise for you to continue fantasizing a happy family with this man. Nothing good will come from it, but there are severe and heartache consequences.

1. You will always be the OTHER woman
2. Your child will always be the LOVE child
3. Get into trouble for committing polygamy
4. Get confronted by other men’s wife who is not as understanding as this wife
5. You will be abandoned when the married man fed up and get bored of you

So it’s wise that you give up now to prevent any further and serious consequences. I am sorry but I can’t support you when I know that what you are doing is wrong. You still have a chance to make things right. Think about what you would do so you will not regret for the rest of your life.

photo credit: metrognome0

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