Julie’s story:

I was in 11^th grade when I met him. He was a 2^nd year college student. I met him at a party and we hit it off. We dated for 3 months until my mother found out about our relationship. She forbade me to see him again.

I didn’t listen to her. I often snuck out of the house and met him at our secret place. Things went on fine. He promised that he would marry me right after he graduated from college. I believed him. We slept together for the first time.

1 month later from that night, I found out that I was pregnant. I thought he would be happy but he told me to get an abortion. He said he didn’t want to have any kid until he is 30. He said he would like to enjoy life a little bit after graduation. He didn’t want to settle down too soon.

Coping with jealousy

I asked him what happened to marriage and to starting a family. He admitted that he only said that to get me in bed. I told him even if he doesn’t love me any more; he still has a responsibility to our child. He laughed at the idea and hang up the phone.

I didn’t know what to do then. I thought if I talk to his family, he would change his mind and do what he has promised. I was wrong. His family didn’t want to accept the child or me. He was there to witness the way his family treated me. I waited by the door at his house for hours, hoping for him to come out and comfort me. He never did.

My family scolded me for being so stupid. My mother didn’t talk to me since she knew I was pregnant. No one understood me. I was alone, in school or at home.

The pregnancy made me extremely uncomfortable. I couldn’t focus in school, so I dropped out before finishing 11^th grade. I stayed home until I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I gave birth alone in the hospital. No one came to visit, not even my own parents.

For a year, I had no one to talk you, just my son. He didn’t even come to visit once although his house is about 3-minute-drive from my house. One day, I decided to bring my son to his house. His parents didn’t open the door. I hit rock bottom. I wanted to take revenge on him for destroying my life.

Delusional jealousy

A month ago, I heard shocking news. He was planning to get marry in 3 months. His family said they were in love for a long time. I was mad and devastated. I wanted to crash his wedding. I wanted to tell everybody, including his bride, about what he did to me. If I can’t have him, neither will she.

I still love him but if he betrays me like this, I wanted to see him suffered and never see a happy day for the rest of his life. Am I being unreasonable here? I was afraid that I would never be able to find happiness again? If a man loves me, how can I explain to him about my past? Will he be able to forgive me?

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Sherry Love’s corner:

Your biggest fault was that you fell in love too soon. You were just 17 years old and didn’t even finish high school. You didn’t know anything about this man, yet you still dated him despite your parent’s objection. You got many chances to get back on track but you kept making one mistake after another.

Now you realize the consequence of your action but it was too late. You slept with him and gave birth to his son. Yet he abandoned you in the speed of light.

Controlling jealousy

You thought you could use your son to get him back. Did you actually believe it? He told you many times that he didn’t want the baby. He wanted you to get an abortion. His family didn’t accept you. He didn’t even care about your son. He didn’t visit you or your son once. This man is irresponsible and selfish. When are you going to realize this?

Now you are contradicting yourself. You said you love him yet you want to get revenge on him. Mixed feelings of love and hate have made you confused. You are not thinking clearly to find a better solution for you and your son.

It’s wise that you should get rid of the idea to crash his wedding. No good can come from this. If he still continues with the wedding, you will be the only person humiliated. You have suffered enough; do you want to bring more traumas into your life?

Overcoming jealousy

Now the only thing you should be concerned about is your son. Try to take some classes to get your high school diploma so you can a good job to support your son. In the mean time, you should forget about that heartless man. But you must make him be responsible for your son.

Talk to a lawyer about your situation. You need to get some evidence like a DNA test to help with your case. You have made many mistakes in the past, but everything you do now is for your son. Get a fresh start and take care of your son so he will not be like his father. I hope you can overcome this and enjoy life once again.

photo credit: nathansnostalgia

photo credit: baronsquirrel, dad-in-training