Pam’s story:

I am 28 years old and have been in a relationship for the last 5 years. I am currently working in a beauty salon. I met him the first time when he delivered some supplies to my shop. He approached me and we started talking.

Jealousy and insecurity

2 weeks later, he came to the shop again, not to make deliveries, but to ask me out. He was nice but at that time I wasn’t interested in him. However, some of my friends kept encouraging me to find out more about this man. I hesitantly accept to go out with him.

He wasn’t as good looking as other guys I have met. But he was sincere and very down-to-earth. He told me about his family and how he overcame life despite having a drunken father. He said he didn’t tell me this to get my sympathy. He just wanted to share something personal to me so I could understand his feelings for me. We began to officially date. He is always very sweet and protective of me. He isn’t the problem in our relationship, I am.

The root of jealousy issues

When I was 10 years old, my father left my mother for another woman.My mother and I had to live in an old rotten apartment and survived on welfare for 2 years. Since then, I vowed that I would never trust another man.

That’s why even though I love him, I still can’t trust him. I get jealous very easily and it can be for no reason whatsoever. I want to stop but I just can’t seem to help it. If he picks me up 10 minutes late, I would spend 30 minutes trying to find out what he was doing in those 10 minutes.

I want to trust him but I am afraid that I might lose him one day. He treats me so well and loves me. Why can’t I bring myself to be happy with him?

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Sherry Love’s corner:

photo credit: Howie_Berlin

Well, I feel a little sorry for your boyfriend. He has been suffered because of your unreasonable jealousy for years. Yet he didn’t fight back. This man must love you very much.

Now talk about you. You have had a bad childhood because of your father. You hated him for making your life miserable. You loathed him for abandoning your mother. In your eyes, every man is like him. You father betrayed you. Now you believe that every man will turn his back on you sooner or later, right?

Coping with jealousy

It’s reasonable that you feel this way about men. But you have to understand that all men aren’t like that. There are many good men out there who are serious about long-term commitment and will never do anything to hurt their lovers. Your boyfriend seems to be one of those good men.

You have gone out with him for 5 years. He has never been unfaithful to you. You got jealous all the time. He never said anything.

You know you shouldn’t be like this but you just don’t know how to stop it. Jealousy can add spice into a relationship but obsessive distrust will destroy a relationship sooner or later.

Have you ever wondered why you get jealous so easily? You might be right when you said because of your father and may be because you are afraid of losing him. But which one is it?

Overcoming jealousy

If you did this because of your father, then are you trying to punish your boyfriend for what your father did to your mother? Your father has ruined your childhood, why are you letting him take away your happiness now?

If you get jealous because you fear that you may lose him. Then you should tell him this. He then may understand the reason behind your constant outbursts. He might be patient now but how long do you think he can endure it? Can you stand your boss asking you what you were doing every minute of the day? Stand in his shoes for awhile so you can understand how he feels.

Don’t be too aggressive in keeping your boyfriend. Being angry with him doesn’t keep other women away; it just drives him away from you. Your happiness is in your hand; don’t let your past or unreasonable hunches destroy it.